Gay boyfriends

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You can probably guess from this series that I have had an interesting life (sexual and otherwise) and have had a few gay boyfriends along the way. Coming from a strict Catholic background, I was really only exposed to the stereotypes of gay culture and made many assumptions. At college, our course was predominantly young men (70/30%) – I soon formed another little gang with us two girls and a group of young men. Oh gosh, we had fun! One of the men was effete with a high voice and I just assumed he was gay. In my head I was thinking, ‘this is so cool to have a gay boyfriend’. Although we almost always went around as a gang (and they all knew my real boyfriend), I shared all my deepest secrets with this guy, let’s call him Roy. After two years, one of the other lads took me aside and gave me a row about leading Roy on. What! I had no idea that he was completely straight and had been sobbing about me to the other guys. He was in love with me and wanted to marry me. Now I know why he wanted me to meet his mother – I just thought that was a gay thing!

I love my gay boyfriends. We can chat about everything, there is no jealousy and we can even flirt without any consequence. One of my husband’s friends from college years eventually became one of my gay boyfriends. Teddy thought that he might be gay but he was firmly in the closet, and even dated an androgynous girl during university. In retrospect they may both have been gay and just friends. Finally, he came out to us (without saying anything) by inviting us to a party at his house and meeting his new room-mate who was male and gay. He showed us around the house and they shared a double bed. To the day of his death, he didn’t come right out and talk about it and we didn’t ask him. That relationship broke up but he and I kept up a flirty communication. About a year before he died, we had arranged to meet in Scotland. I was going on a solo trip to see my husband’s parents and was staying in a hotel. I fully intended to get him drunk and make him reveal whether he was gay or bisexual but he bailed on me. His psychic hackles were probably raised…

The only thing I have been curious about, with respect to my straight/gay relationships, is where does the wavy line stop? I know that I have found most of my boyfriends to be very handsome (aren’t they all?) and sexually intriguing. With some I have felt a frisson of some attraction to me and wondered where that line stopped. Are we all a little bi-curious or is it just an esthetic attraction? I suppose I could just ask them but I am not sure I want to know the answer. I was chatting with some male colleagues about Caitlyn Jenner and said that, in my opinion, she was now an attractive woman. Oh my Lord, they all looked completely disgusted and strongly refuted my opinion! Would they feel the same about Caitlyn’s friend on the series Candace who was also male but looks amazingly good?

I know that the TV series about Caitlyn (formerly Bruce) Jenner was hyped but I found it deeply moving. It must be hard enough to be gay in a mostly straight world but imagine how hard it is to not be comfortable with your gender. It was unclear whether Caitlyn was still attracted to women and did that make her now lesbian?

Tomorrow I am taking you on a trip to Peru!

25 thoughts on “Gay boyfriends

  1. What an interesting read, we were speaking of that subject today and knew yesterday you were going to post the subject of woman/gay relationship. I have had the opposite where supposedly straight friends had a crush on me and did the nasty lol but that cured the relationship for good because probably shame. Anyway it was interesting to say the least.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wonderful. I’ve had a couple of gay acquaintances, but I wouldn’t call them friends, though not because I didn’t want a friendship. Timing for both parties was just not right. They were sweet though and I enjoyed knowing them while I did.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Let me tell you, I knew the minute my cousin came out we would have so much more fun when visiting in NYC. B/c he was taking too long to tell me (he was nervous), I took fate into my own hands and came out for him. I took his hand at dinner and said “F, I love you. I know your gay and it’s ok.”

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’ve had several gay friendships over the years and though there was never any crossing of the line, I really valued our relationships. I do recall when hanging out with any of them, before losing my vision, how amusing it would be when other women looking on would shoot death rays at me because of my handsome companions (if they only knew).

    Liked by 1 person

  5. It is interesting. I’m a veteran fag-hag which I doubt will be a surprise to you. I’m also second mum to several Gay Best Friend’s of my daughters. I’ve always found them to be the most loyal, stimulating, funny, fantastic, empathetic and downright perfect company. I love them all and in fact when I married first time I seriously wanted my Gay Mates to be my bridesmaids. My mother was not amused so I acquiesced and behaved (it was 1984). Roll the clock forward to my eldest daughter’s wedding last year and her Bride of Honour (self appointed) was Dan who is her GBF. He walked me in to the Church just ahead of the Bridal Procession with The Bean on a satin leash wearing a collar of anenomies. I say walk – we flounced and pranced and it was the perfect moment for him and for me – he calls me Mummy 🙂 xx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. It’s an interesting thought, as a gay man who struggled through an unforgiving background, a mental breakdown and suicide attempt, I’ve over time come to realise that sexuality really – honestly – doesn’t matter. In the sense that, it should not have an impact on my relationships with any other people. So now I have:

    – a boyfriend
    – very close gay male friends, whom I consider brothers
    – very close straight male friends, whom I consider brothers too
    – a plethora of male acquaintances

    As for girls:

    – friends who play up the fact that I’m gay
    – friends who don’t

    I’m rambling, but ultimately what I’m getting at is that there should never be a sexuality centric reason not to befriend anyone.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s good to hear that you are able to be comfortable with yourself and your sexuality. Even better to have so many friends! It’s difficult for a married woman of my generation to have straight male friends, although I have had a couple. Either they misunderstand or my husband does…

      Liked by 1 person

      • I can only imagine how tough that must be. But, thankfully it seems that there is growing gender indifference amongst, at least, my peers.

        One day, gender won’t factor into friendship selection. That day will be great.

        Thanks for your thoughts.

        Liked by 1 person

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