Aah, there have been so many and I now realize this is a normal part of life. I have been married to Teddy for 33 years and he is now blasé about my various crushes. They are usually my doctors and sometimes I can tell that they are reciprocated – it’s all innocent fun until you take it one step further. It mystifies me that my friend’s doctors don’t hold their hand or tell them they are beautiful… I am purring as all cougars do. 🙂
My first crush was a pretty little boy in Primary school called Gerald with big brown eyes and a mass of dark curls. He went onto a seminary at 12 – perhaps I frightened him into celibacy? At High School, my first crush was on a boy called Jamie and nobody could understand why. I used to write funny stories for friends and at our 25th reunion (we were all 42), they all howled with laughter at my story that plagiarized Wuthering Heights. The final chapter involved Jamie and I, the nanny, meeting in the hallway in our nightwear. We hadn’t had our sex education classes yet so I didn’t know what happened next. That crush disappeared as soon as he got acne – I am so shallow.
The most lingering crush I had during high school years was with the librarian at our local public library. My childhood wasn’t always happy so I retreated into the world of books. I read my way through the children’s library and at 14 could move onto the adult library. I guess he was about 4 years older than me, fresh out of school working as a library assistant. It was pretty obvious that I had a crush on him, all big eyes and smiles. He kindly flirted back and joked about how many books I read. I suspect he thought I was making excuses to go to the library but I genuinely read six books a week. By the time I got to college I had read most of the library’s books.
Moving on in time, I was in my third year of college, just before I started dating The Spark. I think I was 19, wearing something that made me look like a ‘ho, and full of fun. My girlfriend and I bumped into the LIBRARIAN and his friend at some college function. Initially, it was SO exciting – chatting about how much I had changed, Catholic school girl to ‘ho. (Blondie was my role model). He had decided to go to college later in life and had left the library. He was still handsome and revealed that he had also had a crush on me which titillated me. Then we kissed and there was nothing – no spark, so sexual attraction just a faded crush. Curiously, he seemed really sad that I wasn’t interested but the hunt was on for my next boy to predate. I am really a very nice, kind person but my hormones seemed to take over, leaving a trail of broken hearts behind me. Sorry to all those nice guys I predated and unceremoniously dumped.