The Silver Tongued Irishman and the Jehovah’s Witnesses

Irish vistaI really need to finish my Tampa blogs but I thought I would amuse you with this tale. The Irishman in question, let’s call him Patrick, worked for my husband about 15 or more years ago. We met for the first time at a company function. Teddy was sitting at one side of me and introduced me to Patrick, who was quite the flirt. We exchanged funny stories about Ireland and I think he was quite enchanted by an Irish/Hispanic lady. I choked on my vodka and coke when he said, seductively and in Teddy’s earshot, “I shouldn’t sit so close to you because I am so fertile”. I fell off my seat laughing at his daring and because he didn’t know that I couldn’t have children because of infertility. Teddy looked a little shocked but started laughing too.

My favorite Patrick story (apart from the one above) is about the town he came from in County Galway. To set the scene, it had become a tourist and artist haven because it’s natural beauty. Many artists, from all around Europe and America, had moved there. Despite the fact that Ireland is a Catholic country, various missionaries had been trying to wedge a niche in the congregation. I doubt that many of them were successful as even the Catholic Church is treated with both reverence and skepticism in Ireland. But still they tried…

On this occasion, Jehovah’s Witnesses had gone to one little cottage in the town. An older woman opened the door to two smart young men. Their opening gambit was, “Do you know Jesus?” To their astonishment, the lady said (remember this is an Irish accent), “Surely, yes. If you just go to the top of the hill his cottage is on the right”. Unbeknown to the shocked missionaries, a Spanish artist had moved into the town and was called, wait for it, JESUS! The local population had no idea that it is pronounced ‘Hayzuus’ in Espanol. Ah, I love that story. 😇

As most of you know, Teddy is a rather accomplished geologist. This means that he has to believe in evolution … even here in Texas. We have fossils and minerals all over the bloody house and if you let him, he will tell which eon they come from, blah, blah, blah. We lived for years in a very remote agricultural area in the North East of Scotland. Almost everyone was some type of Protestant, some of them weird sects. They even have dry fishing boats from the major ports to accommodate some of the restrictive religions. One cold night, the door bell rung and there were two Jehovah’s Witnesses. We were astonished to see them so far out – they may as well have been in darkest Africa. Teddy invited them in and started teaching them about evolution which directly opposed the teachings of their church. By the time he had the fossils out, you could see that the younger man was becoming convinced of Darwinism. The older one took control and they left rather hastily. As soon as they did we howled with laughter and still wait patiently in Texas for some poor soul to come by the house of Satan. 😈 ☘

29 thoughts on “The Silver Tongued Irishman and the Jehovah’s Witnesses

  1. I particularly love the Jehovah story. When I lived in Venezuela I will never forget queuing at the Italian Embassy for passport renewal and discovering that at least three men in the queue (Venezuelans of Italian origin) had the middle names “Jesus-Maria” !!! Pronounced “Hay-soos-Maria” of course !

    Liben x


    Liked by 2 people

  2. ha ha love it! Will briefly share a couple of a Mormon story in return.
    Had just arrived in a rural Bavarian village to be nanny to 4 kids whose Mum had died. Dad had a house maid who did virtually everything and probably did when the mother was still alive. Was on the fourth floor in the icy attic unpacking my bag when the front door bell rang. The maid ran up all the stairs and shoved me down to answer the door – I shrugged how could I answer the door when I didn’t have a word of Deutsch? Well the lady opened a huge arched folder and made me search thru until I found english then returned two days later armed with a pile of english watchtowers for me … how kind!
    And my JW one – lived in a shared farm house 2km down a really rough dirt track. We were on acreage with no neighbours within cooee so no need for any curtains. They wandered down the track and ran around the house banging on our windows. We locked the doors and refused to speak with them … they carried on for 2 hours! Talk about no regard for our privacy.

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  3. I loved those stories! Not just funny but warm and kind too.
    Two of my own.
    When I was on my own journey to become a catholic our local priest told me of the time when he was at seminary (one with a big sign advising callers it was a Roman Catholic seminary). He opened the door to a knock and found two Jehovah’s Witnesses, politely and eagerly standing there. The most experienced theologian amongst the priests there was introduced to them, I never found out what happened to them as the whole meeting erupted into laughter.

    Secondly, I managed this office team. Two blokes; one young, one middle aged got on very well together. The younger one had been going through a very hard time in his personal life. He was leaving to start afresh. As he finally left the older one said:
    “All best. And if you ever want to have a chat, you’ve got my phone number. Of course you know I’m a Jehovah’s Witness,”
    “Thanks,” replied the younger one “You know I’m blood donor!”
    And they both started to laughter, then shook hands

    I like stories that end with a laugh.

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  4. I must find out the address of Jesus here on my little island so I will be prepared the next time we have those infamous dress-suited gentleman who always travel in pairs😂

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  5. This reminded me of what happened to me years ago. Every Saturday morning and I mean early morning, Jehovah Witnesses would come knocking at my door. I asked them to stop waking me up. Finally on one Saturday, I answered the door completely naked.

    They never knocked on my door again.

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  6. My JW story is a bit different.. Where my sis and I grew up, summertime was pioneering time in our neighborhood and beyond, with JW, 4 or 6 to a car.. They’d go to each house in pairs to attempt to share their belief, usually on weekdays and some of those days I was home by myself..
    My sis thought I was weird to do this, but I’d see them coming and greet them with 2 glasses of ice cold sweet tea.. On a hot summer day, they were really grateful for it.. We’d talk, I’d ask questions, they’d give answers best they could, for a preteen to understand..
    I can state that I never felt pushed or coerced in any way..

    Now that I’m an adult and think back on it, I wonder how much me greeting them at my door, with a thirst quenching gift, had to do with how differently they treated me than the horror stories of “oh no here they come again”, tales I so often hear..

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      • That’s what’s funny about being a kid.. We asked the darndest questions with no regard about if it’s an offensive question or not, without malice.. I asked some really blunt questions.. I guess none were mind blowers that stuck with me but remember some moments they conferred together before giving me an answer.. And a few that were awkward moment questions.. 😂 I don’t know how much of a kindness it was.. Watchtower was a good read back then and the little comic type tiny books I read too.. I stopped reading Watchtower and the other one, the title escapes my memory, decades ago, when they began claiming the JW headquarters as on of the witnesses of Revelation..

        Its funny, I’m not JW or member of any other organized religious group, but I don’t celebrate birthdays or any holiday other than Thanksgiving, Mother’s and Father’s days, everything I’ve ever found in the bible I read, would seem to be disagreeable with those celebrations..
        I do dance and love music.. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

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