Writer’s anxiety

Yellow shrimp plant

Yellow shrimp plant

My current life and the geopolitical world have left me lost for words. I have been feeling anxious about everything, which is part of my diagnosis, and nightmares have exhausted me. There is a short break before I start the Super Bowl work then I will stop feeling anxious because of focus and tiredness. Sometimes writing lifts me up or helps ease anxiety but despite taking more medication, I am like a cat on a hot tin roof, yawning with insomnia.

red-spike

I have peppered this short post with some final photos from Puerto Vallarta – just to take the edge of my writing. I work alongside people who have immigrated from Iran and Iraq and wonder if their American dream feels as ephemeral as mine. Even at the shops, people are talking in hushed tones about executive orders and I don’t know if they feel happy or afraid. When we went to Puerto Vallarta, we were seriously considering a retirement home somewhere in Mexico but now I doubt that they would want us. Do you think I have enough Mexican ancestors to request entry? Should I print out my Ancestry family tree?

umbrellas

Almost every week I soothe people whose relatives have been detained at immigration. It is usually something relatively minor such as an incorrect visa or a similar name. We were stuck in Egypt until the very last minute, whilst my husband’s employer desperately tried to get a work visa for him to go to the USA. I remember being at the airport in Cairo, wondering if they were going to accept our cats’ paperwork or my husband’s. I have an American passport, so I could go anytime. Nonetheless, it was terrifying, especially since it was during Gulf War II.

yellow-blossom

I can support passengers and myself by being as helpful as always. A smile can work wonders, for the recipient and the person feeling depressed.

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16 thoughts on “Writer’s anxiety

  1. Kewrry,
    I can very well understand your feelings and I share them. Ever since the election our life has not been as before, and just now it has become much worse. We’re feeling depressed most of the time, and my wife definitely has lost a lot of her energy. We deparately hope thta this will be an episode only, and that things will improve again – even if it doesn’t look like it.
    I wish for your work to go well and help you to feel better.
    Take care,
    Pit

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    • Somehow this comment ended up in my Spam folder – is it a conspiracy??? I am so sorry that you and your wife feel so unhappy. You might consider a move to a Democratic city or town in Texas. El Paso is, as is the majority of Houston. I don’t really think it is any better in Europe or Australia right now – we are beset with fear and xenophobia. Try to remember that more than half of the population feels like you do. Do you think your wife might benefit from some medication in the short term or therapy? My psychiatrist tells me that every single patient has mentioned the election to him – we are all affected no matter how we voted. I suppose we just need to look to WWII and the Cold War to see that everything changes and is cyclical. Happy Valentine’s Day to both of you!

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  2. I’m guessing that your diagnosis brings a strong dose of over-thinking when the balance shifts downside. It’s awfully hard and the tiredness that accompanies nights riven with graphic bad dreams is hard to bear. The world is beating to a curious and unpleasant drum at the moment. I think all we can do is to be kind and mindful of what others may be going through and to be a shoulder for those that need or want to unburden. I am always a shoulder for you, my friend … here whenever you need me xx

    Liked by 1 person

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