I am really old and wise – aspirational resolutions are silly. They give us false expectations or make us feel pompous until we inevitably fail. Here is a list of practical ones –
- Try to poo every day. That means you are eating fiber and you might even lose weight. It also keeps toilet tissue manufacturers in business.
- Smile at everyone. The worst that can happen is that someone thinks you are crazy or hearing voices. The best is that you find a new friend or make someone’s day.
- Use your common sense. Millennials – google common sense and try to incorporate it into your life. It’s like skateboarding but more fun.
- Choose an appropriate seat at Starbucks. One person needs a small table. If you choose otherwise, 40 miles north of Houston, a strange Scottish lady will come up to you and ask you to move from the table with 6 seats that she needs for her friends.
- On the same topic, get a more appropriate office.
- Try to remember which airline your relative flew on and which city they left from in Latin America/South East Asia/Africa. It helps the frazzled volunteers.
- Rescue an animal or check on an elderly neighbor. Try not to cry when the cat hisses at you or the neighbor says, “I’m fine” and shuts the door in your face. Remember I write with experience.
- Try to read global news from reputable sources – even real news is biased. It might make you realize your life is blessed. Think about Puerto Rico.
- Whilst perusing the World Wide Web, try to avoid following those topics that we know rot our brain. ‘Caitlyn and Kris Jenner get married again’, for example. Nooooooo!
- Say ‘Hell No!’ to political correctness. Here is an example – Our President is an ass wipe and not the nice Preparation H ones.
- Read your horoscope. It’s all unicorn and rainbows. You will meet the man of your dreams in 2018, write that book and win the lottery. Promise.
- Be good or you will go to hell. This is gospel from a lapsed Catholic…
Great aspirations!
I recently posted a Stephen Pastis cartoon to my Facebook. Its two achievable goals for 2018 were “Sleep in more” and “Remain fat.”
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Ha ha ha! I love both of those. Happy New Year, Sarah!
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Thanks, Kerry. BTW, I’m Denise (not Sarah) 🙂
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I am so sorry Denise!!! Curiously, I have about five Sarah friends on WP. I am terrible with names even in the non-virtual world…
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Never mind, Kerry. I knew who you meant!
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HaPpY New Year Kerry. 🎉
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Happy New Year to you, too!
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Love that list Kerry, especially the SB one! Happy, healthy 2018!
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Happy New Year, Liben! ❤️
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Happy New Year Kerry🎉🎶 hope it’s fabulous👌😘
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Happy New Year, Anne. I doubt it will be fabulous but I will be happy to poo everyday and so will Nana. 😁
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You’ll probably go to Purgatory, unless we’re already there. In that case, you’ll go to Hell.
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I think we might be in Purgatory… 😁
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Thank you so much for making me smile
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De Nada! Happy New Year!
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That is a top class list! Love every single one – to you I wish you a year full of good surprises, no bad surprises and a few dreams come true to make it glitter and sparkle ✨
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Happy New Year to you, my friend! ❤️
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I’m stunned, love the New Years resolutions political correctness is the best one!
I’m going to do a 1/2 IRONMAN this year,,,,for real and buy a big sailboat to live on!
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Fantastic! Happy New Year, Chad!
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Hi, thank you for reading this and the note back. Forgot to put the 1/2 Ironman we’re contemplating in July, probably keep us busy enough.
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You too, next time you and hubby come to San Diego you’ve got to come to the boat and spend some time with us!
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We usually travel separately but thank you for the kind invite!
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You are wise indeed Kerry. I’d say old too but then I’d be admitting we’re, um, well, at a higher level than say, Millennials. And oh my gosh, I always think of toilet tissue manufacturers when I go poo and this rightfully so, should be number 1. Thanks for the laughs and Happy New Year!!
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LOL! At our age we learn how important poos are…
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Hahaha. Now see this is why we get along, I never know what’s gonna come out of your mouth. You crack me up!!
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LOL! It’s a lifelong resolution. My Nana gave me Syrup of Figs every Friday whether I needed it or not…😁
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Yuk, that sounds disgusting. We had to take mineral oil. Now that I think about I think that qualified as child abuse. No wonder I’m damaged.
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LOL! Syrup of Figs tasted great and I still eat lots of figs!
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Hahaha. Leave it to me to prejudge without knowing a blasted thing about Syrup of Figs (pretend there’s and ashamed emoji here). The only figs I’ve even eaten were Fig Newtons and wonders of wonders I actually liked them.
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Hahaha – these are SO practical and achievable! Feliz año nuevo, mi amiga bonita!
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Feliz ano nuevo, dear Margarisa!
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Muchas gracias!
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Awesome! And you’re so right about saying no to aspirational resolutions, I’ve got none for this year (except maybe to make poo every day😉 – loved this one!) and it feels just great! 😄😘
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Pooing is important!!! 😁
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Great post! I’ve not made any resolutions for more years than I care to remember, but from this point on I will make an exception: to reduce the amount of plastic I buy/use and to be more ‘earth conscious.’
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That’s a great resolution Jane. All our supermarkets recycle any bags or film and our city is pro recycling EVERYTHING!
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Happy New Year Kerry. I’m not a resolution maker but this year I’m going to do better at trying to read all shades of opinion, not just though I instinctively agree with. I think we could all listen a bit more before taking sides.
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A very wise resolution, Roy. Living in Texas, I have had to listen to opinions that make my eyes water but most of them come from a genuine base/fear/culture. It is my personal mission to make greed a dirty word…😁
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Happy 2018 😊
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Muchas Gracias!
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