I wish I had a dragon

Image by Josch13, Pixabay 

No, this is not Game of Thrones ode although Dany’s wrathful flyby of Kings Landing inspired the title and thoughts.  I have just returned from a sad transatlantic trip to Scotland for a family funeral.  It was not unexpected but somehow it is always a shock in the literal sense.  On the return trip, suffering a terrible flight with a revered south-east Asian airline, I drowned my sorrows with some unpalatable wine and wrote words on my magazine cover that conveyed how I had felt during the trip.

WRATH, GRIEF, SADNESS, REGRET, RELIEF, LONGING, THANKFULNESS, GRATITUDE, LONELINESS, RESENTMENT, AMUSEMENT, LOVE, CONNECTION, ALIENATION, BOREDOM, AFFECTION, ADMIRATION, JOY, FAMILIARITY, DISCONNECTION, HUMILITY, REFLECTION, EVOLUTION, ACCEPTANCE, IRRITATION

LOVE, LOVE AND MORE LOVE

I see my psychiatrist tomorrow and I think I will just hand him this list of words.  What will he make of it?  Such contradictions, so many emotions and counseling needed.  Funerals are such complex occasions.  Sometimes they are a celebration of a life lived well; sometimes the family gathering causes angst or the opposite.  This is not the time for me to write a memorial – my feelings are too raw.  For every kind comment there is an insensitive remark.  It has been years since my last visit to the old country and so much has changed.  I can no longer mention my country of birth, USA, with pride.  Do friends and strangers really think that the course of modern politics has been in any way influenced by me?  This is the plaque outside Glasgow’s City Halls were I graduated.  My economics lecturer was the local Communist political candidate.

The political climate is no better in the UK or Europe.  BREXIT; right wing Hungarian rule; Scottish Independence; modern day slavery in Italian fields that gives us our cheap tomatoes – to name a few. I see racism and bigotry on both sides of the pond.  As I left Glasgow airport and was waiting in the check-in line, I noticed a young woman sobbing from one end of departures to the other.  It wasn’t busy so I couldn’t figure out why someone wasn’t helping her.  Eventually she ended up close to me and I asked her what was wrong.  She was sick, had taken Nyquil the night before consequently sleeping late.  She arrived 45 minutes before her Canadian charter flight departure but no-one would help her.  I urged her to go back to the closest desks and ask someone to radio the charter representative.

Eventually I checked in and went to find her.  We were sent from pillar to post and I eventually demanded that we see a manager.  The flight had gone but at least the airline representative might be able to find the cheapest alternative to get her home.  She couldn’t call them on her Canadian phone.  I left her in chastened hands with the manager in route and the airline had been radioed.  Who knew all my Texan airport experience would have come in handy?

At my connecting airport in England, I tripped and scraped my knees despite being sober…then.  The only person who ran to my aid was one of the much maligned Eastern Europeans.  A Bulgarian cleaner who spoke very little English also helped.  On the glamorous flight back to Texas with flight attendants that resembled pretty butterflies, I had to complain about vomit blocking a sink and more dried vomit on the floor of a different toilet.  The response was a poor excuse and certainly not an abject apology which I expected.  It concerned me that they wore no aprons to serve food and inefficiently cleaned toilets throughout a 9 hour flight…and then the toilet tissue ran out.  Can you imagine my upcoming complaint form?

My words are my dragon and I wish I could burn my way through the hateful climate with live in.  I wish I could erase my memories of a sad abusive childhood.  I wish I could forgive.  I wish my self-loathing would cease.  I wish I felt more joy or even contentedness.  I wish I had a dragon.

 

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25 thoughts on “I wish I had a dragon

  1. Hi Kerry. Sounds like you had a rubbish journey. It was great to see you. You look soooo amazing and glamorous. Know that you are very much loved. Take good care of yourself. Families and funerals are very emotional.
    Much love
    Anne😘💕

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Kerry I wish I knew what to say. I’ll send love, and I hope, understanding. We experienced the loss of a dear friend about a month ago, and I know it’s hard. I know the political blaming first hand too. We are being blamed for what the majority and the politicians have done in our state and we are the embattled persons trying to stand for kindness and sensible thinking, who need support. Take care of yourself and do things you enjoy. Your words are powerful and they are indeed “your dragon” as you stated with so much eloquence.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. My condolences on the family funeral. Having been there, it’s never expected and the days thereafter are just a blur. Hope you are doing alright, Kerry ❤

    That sounded like quite the flight back to the States. When you have those moments when sober, you'd wonder what you'd do when you had a drink…or maybe, just maybe, when you're sober you're most dangerous lol. A dirty flight is the worst – the smell of toilets can permeate through the cabin D:

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Interesting post Kerry. So sorry about the lose of your dear relative. I have written many times about death and how I have coped with losing a loved one such as Terry. “Death is merely another step in our eternal life. When people die, as sad as it is, I look at it as a promotion by God to get to the gates of heaven quicker. I especially rationalize this when a very young person dies. I try to think of them being allowed to get to the front of the line quicker…kind of like being put on the fast track. It helps me to drive on and not to become depresses.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. The main problem with having a dragon is the temptation to use it. You have had a dose of the ugly side of life, now go find the side of life that shows beauty. It is there just lift your eyes from being down cast and look up. All my best.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I feel your pain and a flight home on a dragon would have been much more refreshing!

    I can only encourage you to read Billy by Pamela Connelly … how he dealt with and rose above his horrendous abuse is ingenious …I may not be keen on his constant use of the f-word but I admire him deeply as a person!

    Like

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