Resolutions, meh…

I think I can say with confidence that generic resolutions in January should be banned.  We feel guilty for overindulging in the festive season and are determined to become a better, slimmer or more perfect person.  This period of time, between Christmas and New Year, is always difficult for me and I quickly get maudlin.  Regrets fill my head but what’s the point?  January is always a bit bleak even in the tropical south and it is not a good month to start a new regime.  Early humans always faced feast or famine so they didn’t need resolutions.  They were too busy trying to survive.

There is nothing wrong with choosing to be healthier, happier, more creative or whatever flicks your switch.  Most resolutions are a lifelong challenge so a typical resolution puts too much pressure on poor old January…  February is nice and short – why not try that month?  You can even coordinate it with Lent, if you are that way inclined.  Last summer I discovered that my cholesterol was crazy high, so my Summer Solstice resolution was to not die sooner than anticipated.

Inevitably and frustratingly, most people have commented that I am too thin.  I am not, but more importantly MY CHOLESTEROL IS LOWERED!  I have let things slip in December – not so much the squirrel diet but the exercise.  There has been too much imbibing and that makes me want to lie on the sofa watching the Hallmark Channel.  Teddy and I have been addicted to the Holiday Baking Show which hasn’t helped. “Let’s have a drink and imagine an espresso mousse encased in chocolate.”

Here are some of my unfinished or unattainable resolutions from last year –

  • Finish one of the drafts of my two unfinished books and myriad other embryonic ideas
  • Publish my fairy stories
  • Write a book about my cholesterol lowering diet
  • Not behave like a snapping turtle around my beloved Teddy
  • Cook more (I am not a squirrel)
  • Go out of the house every day
  • Look younger
  • Wear leggings less
  • Adapt to retirement
  • Grow my hair long and plait it
  • Read a book or even finish a magazine
  • Go dancing every week
  • Be consistent with blogging

Without plastic surgery, I cannot look younger.  Make-up and fashionable clothes can deceive me or you for a time but then I look in the mirror.  My cholesterol lowering diet was incredibly boring, not worthy of publishing, and that was part of its success for me.  I could, theoretically, go dancing every week but my bed calls out to me so alluringly…like a fluffy siren.  Do I need to be consistent with blogging or writing – who the heck cares except me?

These last two years have been hard enough for all of us without silly resolutions.  Take one little step at a time.  If you fail and drink a whole bottle of cheap red wine on January 7th – just say you are celebrating Orthodox Christmas.  If you are an atheist – just make up a new Winter Festivus.  I don’t want to discourage anyone from making good changes in their life just don’t set yourself up to fail.  That makes you feel twice as bad.  I started cooking BEFORE January 1st as illustrated above – gluten free mini cornbread loaves.  One has olives, one has sun dried tomatoes and the other is plain.  I intend to eat them with real butter and pray to the cholesterol Goddess, aka Olive Oil.

HAPPY NEW YEAR AND KEEP YOUR EXPECTATIONS LOW!!!