Venom

Black Widow Spider

I decided to create my blog on WordPress because I thought there might be less negativity than other forms of social media. For the most part it has been a perfect way to express myself in words and pictures. Twice in two weeks, however, I have received comments that were both negative and unpleasant. The first time I decided to call out the racist, Racists come in every color, but the second comment I deleted. Despite my initial common sense reaction, deep down I felt hurt, low and discouraged.

Many times I have sympathized with fellow bloggers, truly hurt, when someone has made a nasty comment. Why do people do this? It is a free press but kindness and etiquette should still come first even if you vociferously disagree with another post. Occasionally I sigh when a new follower has very different political view or set of morals but I can still appreciate them.

This particular comment was in response referred to my post Courtship by an Angel which was very quickly followed by My True Valentine – a testament of my love for my husband. You can read the post about Angel but here is a quick summary: On my recent trip to Mexico I hired a local driver, about 37, married with children. At the end of our time together, he started complimenting me and indicated that he might like to cheat with me. NOTHING HAPPENED nor did I do anything to encourage him. I was utterly complimented by a much younger man desiring me.

The comment was from a regular follower (no longer I assume) and I suppose that’s why it is so upsetting.

“This is so sad and the ‘delighted giggles’ at a man willing to cheat (on his wife and children) is part of the problem and only encourages men to overstep the mark. I pray all women gain a high sense of self- esteem and not rely on compliments by anyone else to boost them. Yes, it is nice to be healthfully complimented but seriously, ladies, wise up to the deviance”

My self-esteem is low; mental illness gives me a strange form of body dysmorphia and a general insecurity about anyone liking me. As for flirting or, more accurately, being engaging – I do it with everyone and every species. Babies, old ladies, cats, dogs – they are all prey to me charming them into submission. If only it was truly that easy to have self-esteem and not rely on compliments… I suspect I hit a nerve and I truly sympathize with anyone who has been profoundly hurt with infidelity. It is not deviant behavior, though, just human.

My personal experience is that there are much worse things that can happen to a relationship. My father mentally abused my mother and abandoned both of us. As humans we find it hard to be with just one partner or the divorce rate would be lower. None of those statements, or my flirting, indicate that I endorse cheating in relationships or life. Forgiveness is a wonderful quality and I wish I were better at it. I feel that some of my followers read my blog about churches but neglect to see older posts that talk very openly about sexuality. For any new followers – I am a left wing liberal who loathes our President, guns and a stupid wall. Ironically, I can no longer have physical sexual intercourse because of a rare medical condition (which I will talk openly about in a future blog). It struck me that some of my sadness and longing for a ‘normal’ sexual life might be emanating from me like a beacon.

Let’s lighten this blog up! I was chatted up by a handsome young man in a foreign country with a different culture. For all I know my open personality and solo traveling was a signal that I might be available. The one wise thing I did was not to make him feel bad when I was alone with a strange man in the back of beyond. But as for charming…it continues. I have two older admirers in the produce department of my local supermarket. One is Hispanic and he likes that I thank him in Spanish. The other is Southern and loves my accent. Last week they were subtly fighting for my attention. Southern Gentleman, with some teeth missing, won the battle and we started chatting. I laughingly said, “I can’t be the only lady with a foreign accent in here”. He deftly responded, “But you are unique…” I walked off with a spring in my step and as far as I know neither of them intend to leave their wives for me. It would be a waste of time because my preference is a full set of teeth and a tad younger. 🐆

Racists come in every color…

Me with my mum and dad.  Is my Dad dark enough for you?

I recently wrote a tongue in cheek post entitled Hueheucoyotl is mischief making. Sometimes I take for granted that many of my followers know all about my ancestry and DNA. New readers must look at my profile picture and envision someone Scandinavian or Irish – both are correct. My name Kerry is a giant clue.

I very rarely receive unpleasant comments (if ever?) – the spam is just that. The comment below, on the above post, incensed me.

Typical white woman think she can just claim our culture. Also just necause you want to interpret things as the work of Huehuecoyotl it does not even remotely mean you have facilitated contact. What a joke, if only my teacher could hear this hahaha. I am Mexican and Navajo descent as well, Coyote is my spirit brotjer/reflection so you’re literally getting it from the horses mouth :p (sic)

Perhaps I should have just deleted it but this is my response –

I will shortly delete both of these comments but how dare you! I have both North American and Central American Native DNA with a long line of Mexican ancestors that I can trace back to the 1700s. My grandfather was born on the Chickasaw Nation reservation in Purcell, OK. Why don’t you go take some lessons on DNA, recessive genetics that produce blue eyed blondes, and more importantly on etiquette? You would make President Trump proud with your racist views. I can choose whichever spirit reflection I want. It’s unlikely I received your opinion from the horse’s mouth but from his ass.

The more I ruminated on it, the more I thought that I would write this post.  It sounded like a young person with a chip on his shoulder.  Try living in a Scottish public housing estate with the name de Ortega.  My only advantage was that I was not discriminated against in the work field as I might have been if I had stayed in California, my birth state.  Most people of Mexican origin are happy to accept me as a half cousin but sometimes I know that I am not quite Mexican enough.  In truth, nobody from Mexico is indigenous because the native tribes both north and south came across the ice passage from Siberia and Asia.

This is my Grandma Juanita and my great aunt. I don’t think there is any doubt about their Mexican heritage. Which one is my grandma?

Mestizo means mixed and can be used as a mongrel insult.  We should all be proud that most of us are mixed.  It should give us less reason to hate each other but even Hitler had some Jewish blood. Not all my family were happy about a Catholic marrying a Protestant, both of whom no longer believed in our faiths. I have embraced my Catholic upbringing with a sense of nostalgia and happily pray in churches all over the world. None of that means that I believe in institutionalized religion but I enjoy elements from most beliefs and faiths.

There was no vision about Huehuecoyotl being my spirit guide, just a happy quirkiness in embracing one of my many roots, with no offence intended. I like Freya, leprechauns and a wide variety of saints. My unwelcome commentator has not responded to my rather snarky reply. After a few days of working with an impossible millennial, I feel a little sympathy but not much.

Is this Mexican enough?

Or is this white enough?

2015 in review

I was so tickled with this fun report that I decided to publish it.  A very big thank you to my most regular commentators (click to see them) and all my followers and likers.  You have all made my life so much less lonely and more enjoyable.  The world wide map fascinated me – Algeria? Wow!  The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2015 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 7,800 times in 2015. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 7 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.