Black Friday

Kerry wearing Vera Wang faux leather leggings with a bedazzled jerkin from the airport in Vegas and ancient faux leather biker boots.

For all you crazy Black Friday people – this is how you shop.  You get an overwhelming need for black pleather leggings, you look around the shops and then find a pair on sale a few days before Thanksgiving.  You can call them Vegan Leather but that’s just pretentious – it’s faux leather or cheap plastic as my Nana would say…

Teddy had mentioned that he liked the idea of pleather pants (he is a sensual Taurus and loves stroking materials/me).  I swithered about a 59 year old woman wearing them but What The Hell.  I worked hard for this figure so I am going to flaunt it.  On my first foray to the shops, the very kind assistant had to keep bringing me smaller sizes because I can’t mentally see how slim I am.  Curiously, the fluffy lady in the cubicle next to me had to ask for sizes 2 up.  Mirrors truly are magical.  The assistant had to finally tell me that pleather had to be tight with no wrinkles.

To start off Thanksgiving Day, Teddy and I settled down to binge on the Man in the High Castle – instantly hooked.  By episode 2 we were shouting commands to each other in fake German.  Somehow my outfit fitted into a Dystopian, militaristic future.  At 3.30 pm we went off to our local restaurant which was packed with couples and families who couldn’t bear cooking.  It is a posh steakhouse and I would guess that 5% of the guests had dressed up.  Isn’t that part of the joy of going somewhere nice?  The Latinos were dressy and some young beauties but there was far too many casual jeans with sloppy tops.  Bring back dress codes!

I hope you all had a lovely Thanksgiving and be kind on Black Friday.  We were a little sad about no kitty cats or family but it is just one day and tomorrow is full of promise.

 

 

 

Python Pants and Slithery Stories

I thought I would try and combine a fashion post with a funny tale.  For those of you who care, animal prints are back in fashion, and that makes me HAPPY!  Out comes my leopard print Calvin Klein coat, my ancient leopard booties and now…my new python pants!  These are the softest cotton bell bottoms (fancy leggings really) and made by a company called Originality.  I browse the juniors section of the various department stores because I don’t want to look frumpy even though I am approaching my sexagenarian decade.  Shall I be a sexy sexagenarian???  The black top is by Tribal with lovely sheer sleeves and the pendant a turtle gift from Trinidad and Tobago.  The Kanna espadrilles are so comfortable…

I have been obsessed with snakes and snake print (not skin) for a very long time.  At college in Chester I jumped at the chance to intern at Chester Zoo where I helped edit the magazine in 1983.  It is a famous conservation zoo and ‘my’ magazine focused on a Dominican fruit bat facing extinction.  This was partly because of loss of habitat and environmental issues.  Fruit bats were critical to the banana crop of the Dominican Republic.  Nobody could breed them in captivity until they figured out that the juvenile bats were being bullied and failed to thrive.  Separating them until maturity solved the problem.  Then they were re-introduced to the islands and we can eat bananas.  Hurrah!

How many cute wee faces can you see? Mexican fruit bats.

While I was interning, I expressed a desire to see a snake.  In Scotland, we only have one venomous snake, the adder, and it is shy.  As a hill climber I had to be aware of the danger but had never seen one.  At Chester Zoo I was offered a trip behind the scenes at the Snake House and my eyes went straight to some baby snakes.  The keeper laughed and said they were too venomous for me to go near (the babies often have more venom to protect them).  Instead, he went straight to what looked like a blanket box, opened it and asked me to put my arms out.  Then he placed a 20 ft Royal Python in my arms – I fell immediately in love.  She snuggled in; contrary to my expectation her skin was warm and dry.  She was very relaxed because she had just eaten a rat and it was warm in the snake house.

Since that moment, I have been trying to see snakes in the wild or in captivity.  Our garden is full of them but they hide under the deck or in the reserve.  Most are nonvenomous and very useful for keeping rodent populations in control.  One of our venomous snakes is the copperhead and what a beauty she is!  You can easily identify her because her markings look like Hershey kisses.  A baby did rise to strike me because I frightened her.  After backing away, I spoke to her softly and she slithered into the forest.  Every new nature or landscape is an opportunity for me to find new varieties.  One of my neighbors had a blue ribbon snake come up her bathroom sink during the drought but she just gently put it outside.

Back to fashion for those of you who can’t stand snakes.   Around the age of 40 I was quite overweight but started to lose it steadily.  Finally I felt I could wear normal size pants/trousers and saw a lovely pair of snake print trousers in Marks and Spencer’s.  To my delight, a size 12 (US 8) seemed to slide on.  Then I looked in the mirror and burst out laughing.  I looked like a Burmese python that had just eaten a fat Capybara.  That wasn’t really the glamorous look I was going for…  At that time, I worked in a mixed sex office of engineers and administrators.  At break time, I made everyone choke on their coffee when I related this hilarious snake tale but I always remember one of my female colleagues was horrified that I would share something so unflattering about myself.  Her reaction revealed so much more about her personality than mine.  I have always been comfortable about my sexuality whether plump or skinny and that leads me onto my last tale.

When I work and wear a skirt, I have to wear hose/tights.  I guess this rule is to protect our eyes from varicose veins or funky toes?  Anyway, I usually wear patterned or lacy hose to match my uniform.  Two weeks ago, at 9 am, a silver fox came up to my desk and asked me if my hose were thigh high or went all the way up.  WTH!!!  # Me too passed him by, I suppose.  I looked at him leering at me and decided I would try and kill him, although I am pretty sure that’s not in my job description.  At this stage he hadn’t heard my Outlander sexy Celtic accent and I thought it was likely that he had a dodgy ticker.  Perhaps he had also taken a Viagra the night before given his predation.  So, I said –

“Actually these go all the way up but I do have some thigh highs in ecru lace that my husband loves.  The only problem is that my legs are so slim that they tend to slip down to my ankles…”

He went bright red, made a comment about me not wearing a wedding ring, and reversed back to a seating area.  Later on I had to shout to the general public about something that had changed.  I walked over to him and said, “I’m not so sexy now that I sound like a fishwife, am I?”  He was still alive when I finished my shift.

They call me Mellow Yellow…

I haven’t worn yellow in almost 40 years.  Most yellow shades make my skin look sallow but for some reason I was drawn towards this lovely top in Manchester Airport, UK.  It was on sale in Monsoon, much more expensive than my usual purchase but I couldn’t resist.  Since then I have had so many compliments about how I suit the color.  That provoked the next purchase below.

I bought these floral yellow trousers in Ann Taylor Loft on sale.  The little blue pumps are Steve Madden and feel like slippers.  So comfortable that I bought three pairs in silver, black and navy.  The last yellow purchase I remember was a floral midi dress with a shirred peasant top.  I had just dyed my hair blonde for the first time and I was 19 years old.  The top of the dress enhanced my plentiful assets and my girlfriend told me that I looked like a busty, Swedish barmaid.  That was exactly the look I was going for!!  I loved that dress…

 

New Shoes!

Anyone who watched the series Twin Peaks knows exactly why this title is darkly funny.  But for the non-watchers, a sinister character in the series, who became brain damaged, got very excited with New Shoes!  As a result, dorky Teddy and Bunny do too.  These are my new sandals that fit my deformed feet really well and don’t look like old lady shoes.

When I was young, my mother tortured me, with the best of intentions, buying ‘special’ shoes for my club foot.  They had to fully support my ankle and allow for easy movement of my toes.  Mostly they were plainly ugly but on one horrible occasion she thought that natural hide pigskin ankle boots (also orthotic) would look great.  They were ghastly but I had to wear them.  Yet worse, was the pair of ankle boots that were half red and blue.  They would be great for a Renaissance Fair, when dressing as a Jester, but not Primary School in working-class Glasgow.

Back to 2019 and I have many, many beautiful shoes but I still make sure that my ankle is fully supported particularly in high heels.  Like most of us, I can only wear my high heels for quick trips or a dinner date but I needed some proper sandals that I can wear on vacation.  I found these Bionica gold and tan sandals in Nordstrom Rack for circa $50 and they look nice.  Their sandals are normally about $100 and European.  They even make my feet look normal. 😁

The dress/tunic is $13 Junior’s dress from Dillard’s worn with cream Jeggings from CVS so they had to be inexpensive.  The scarf was one of my Mum’s favorites and pretties up any outfit.  My hair is pink too but the dye will wash out soon…

Dancing, donating and dithering

Tree pollen means squinting eyes and no eye make-up…

Look at my new Retro jeans – took me straight back to the 70’s drunkenly trying to unbutton jeans in a disco.  I bought them in Walmart for full price because they fit so well.

These are my azaleas in full bloom so spring is here in SE Texas (it would be summer north of the Wall).  When the azaleas were first planted, they were exactly the same bright pink but I think the soil around one has changed because of its proximity to a pine tree.  The purplish one is underneath our Live Oak.  Isn’t nature wonderful?

Yesterday was a fun day!  I went to my local thrift shop and snagged a coral jean jacket, apple green shirt and brand new faux fur vest – all for $3.  That’s right, $1 each.  They were playing 70’s funk music and the girl behind checking was grooving on down so I joined her, swaying the hips.  She asked where I got my cute skirt and laughed when I revealed it was from Forever 51 21.  Then I taught her how to say Good Morning in Arabic (this segued naturally from a comment about my accent) and I think that’s why I got such an amazing bargain.  I also donated a beautiful quilt so it all works out.

The day before, I was shopping unhappily in Burlington because a gift card was burning a hole in my frontal lobe.  The shop was gigantic but I couldn’t find anything decent.  I noticed a little Central American girl looking loudly for “Papi!” I saw him in menswear and said to the little girl, “Papi, alli!”  Dad placated her but then she ran off wailing “Mami!” who was hiding elsewhere.  I understood their pain…

The previous week I had gone to a Premium outlet out of town, again because another bloody gift card was creating mental chaos.  I went into one store to get some stuff for Ted and was helped by a man?  He was very attractive, with long pink dreads which coordinated with his cute little white wool shorts and sweater and long fuchsia jacket.  His long black legs went on forever with size 11 pink pumps.  I have no judgment, just curiosity, especially since he didn’t have fake boobs.  Then I saw him helping a Mexican man who, by his reaction, thought the assistant was a woman.  Life is interesting these days.

To top my shopping mania, I browsed through Macy’s after the thrift store snag.  At the clearance racks I came across two black ladies getting on down with some more 70’s funk (is there a musical plot in our forest?) so I started dancing with them.  Why not?  The world has gone mad with such sadness in New Zealand.  May they rest in peace.

On a lighter final note, we bought Toffee a new knitted catnip toy at the weekend.  I forgot it was in my purse but delighted Toffee with a new toy.  She rolled and purred.  Then she made a new LOUD vocalization which sounded a little like “I have done the stinkiest poo” but there was a note of elation.  We think it was meant to be Captain America bird but since Toffee is from Egypt he has a new name every day –

  • Captain Ahmed
  • Captain Amun
  • Captain Ali
  • Captain Azim
  • Captain Abdul

I could go on and on but that’s exactly what this post is – a quirky Kerry rambling.  For clarity, I am petering off my anti-depressants because of side-effects and under the care of my psychiatrists.  Let’s just say I am a little ‘happy’ and ‘tense’ all at the same time.  Teddy thinks it is an alluring combination!

 

A Brown Study

This would have been a great selfie if I had polished the mirror properly… 😁 A brown study describes my mood and outfit.  I have been on a health kick since the New Year and have lost enough weight to wear my favorite brown winter outfit.  The Moto jacket and dress are about 7 years old?  The jacket is by INC and dress by Max Studio via Nordstrom’s Rak.  Unusually, I paid full price for the jacket (just loved it) and eventually the Pleather started to wear on the collar.  I was so reluctant to give it away that I ordered an inexpensive fur wrap from Amazon and got my dressmaker to attach it to the original collar.  When I wore it this week, I got a few compliments so remember to recycle your wardrobe.

The dress is a knitted mystery fabric – it has washed well for 7 years.  It is a little figure hugging and shows some cleavage but I think I can still rock it!  Jamie Lee Curtis inspires me by continuing to look after her figure at our age.  Age is just a number and I am trying to forget that I will be 59 in a few months – eek!

Silvery pixie, fur ball and furry slippers

Oh oh! Look at all that silver in my new pixie cut! I think I will embrace it for now but expect another blog with some wacky hair color as I get bored… This blog should probably come under the heading ‘another quirky Kerry rambling’.

When I was photographing the pelicans at the containment pond, I discovered a huge fur ball (or possibly scat).

Was it a bobcat, a coyote or the Great Horned owl? I would really like to have poked around in it for clues but that sort of weird behavior upsets Teddy… I am not ready to be put in a home, please wait until I have to wear diapers.  It won’t be long.

Speaking of weird behavior, I was driving Teddy to brunch as I do every Saturday, when I noticed a brand new sports car alongside me with an offensive sticker. Let’s just say that he probably doesn’t like folks south of the border. They have the same problem in Scotland…😁 As we stopped at traffic lights, I edged closer so that I could peer at the driver. I did it twice to get a good look and he was a Caucasian with a Hezbollah beard. Once he realized I was staring, he started to get nervous. At the next lights I decided to have fun and rolled down my windows. By chance, I had been playing some Spanish hip-hop in the car and turned it up as loud as it could go (pretty loud in my coupe). When the lights went red, he raced off like a bat out of hell with my cackling in his ears. Teddy just shook his head.

A few days later, I was waiting in a line at the lights when I noticed a lady screech to a halt beside me. Her side panel was already beaten in. She emerged from the car like a Latino mountain woman, wearing a large red plaid sheet shirt and black furry slippers. Then she ran up to the perp’s car in front (who presumably had cut her up) and shook her fist, yelling something. She stomped back to her car, or as much as you can stomp in furry slippers, and reached into the car. Uh oh! Was she reaching for an AK-47? It was just her pink shimmery phone to take photos of the perp’s licence plate. Inside I was saying, “You go girl!” because I am sick to death of impatient, disrespectful drivers. This is Texas – drive friendly folks (or at least funny). 🤠