Christmas letters are sooooo boring…even mine

This is the real Christmas letter I sent to friends and family this year.  They know less about our lives than you do…

How about some astonishing facts to brighten things up?

• Teddy and I are still married after 35½ years. Whaaaaaat?

• We both have jobs! Admittedly, I earn peanuts and only work occasionally. A variety of foolish events companies contract my labor; team building, meeting VIPs and other nonsense. Andy pretends he is a genius and does something with rocks.

• Despite our many diagnoses, neuroses and medications, we are reasonably healthy.

• We have one Egyptian cat still living. Toffee is almost 15 years old, amazingly healthy and very kindly tucks us into bed each night. She jumps on the bed, gives us both a cuddle and then goes to her own bed. Katniss is our feral outside cat, born under our deck a few years ago. She refuses to be tamed and hisses at me when it snows (see below).

• Teddy talks to our visiting Armadillos, at night, and they answer back. This is one of the many new Texan skills he has developed, along with eating too much and dressing like a gay cowboy.

• I still can’t get the hang of political correctness.

• It really snowed in Houston this year.

• It really rained in Houston this year, 51.88 inches to be precise.

• Teddy and I rarely vacation together anymore. That might explain the 35½ years of marriage.

• I discovered I have a long line of Mexican ancestors, including some Maya DNA. For some reason I look like a Swede. Andy is Scottish.

• We didn’t vote for Trump because I’m Mexican nor did most of Houston (which is also Mexican).

• None of our relatives died this year…we think. We might find otherwise in Christmas cards, yet to arrive.

• Mail comes by stagecoach in our area. Why else does it take 3 weeks to arrive from Europe?

• This is the longest time we have stayed in one place during our marriage – I guess its home.

• Teddy will be 60 next year. I’m not sure I can stay married to a pensioner even one that makes me laugh at both ends.

• I am almost through the ‘change’ which might not be apparent from this letter.

 

Random Christmas Cheer

Fishy Christmas Tale

Teddy is coming home from Frankfurt today and I woke up to a frantic email to say that he had caught his plane with 5 minutes to spare; de-icing and other crazy northern stuff. This morning I did my usual hausfrau duties – fresh clean bed, washed the floor and went for food. When Teddy is out of town I eat like a squirrel; a few nuts and berries when I notice my tummy growling. We are fortunate enough to live a few minutes’ drive from all our grocery stores and most importantly, PETCO! Katniss has been eating twice a day and now runs to me. Then she stops and thinks, “Hang on, that’s not my mom – I am a proud feral cat”.

On my third trip out, I slowed down when I noticed a Volvo with no tire, collapsed on the road in front of me. I stopped behind it and put my flashers on. The young man (in his 40’s) looked shell-shocked, so I asked what had happened. He had just had an oil change and the mechanics hadn’t tightened the nuts on the wheels. “That place is crap!” I responded. He wasn’t sure what to do as he was partially blocking a junction. I told him to put his flashers on and I would drive to the auto shop to give them hell. As I drove in, they were just casually doing (crap) work. I suggested they get their asses in gear before the police came. This particular auto shop blatantly lied to me the only time I visited them, telling me I needed new brake pads. My sixth sense was alarmed and I checked with a decent place before letting them do it.

I returned to the broken down Volvo and he was still a bit panicky. It hadn’t occurred to me to wonder where the tire was but just then a Samaritan in a mega truck turned up having rescued the tire further down the main route. He was Shrek like – huge with a bald head. I have no idea how he lifted that tire, as if it was a soft toy. Then the auto shop idiots turned up. I wished the stranded Volvo owner a Merry Christmas and left to the sounds of police sirens. Since the hurricane, people have bought mega trucks in droves and it drives me CRAZY. Teddy has a whole list of acronyms for them: A.I.A.T; D.I.A.T; F.I.A.T. The acronyms spell out Ass in a Truck, Dick in a Truck and so on. I suspect they were bought to replace flooded vehicles and these new owners don’t know how to drive them properly. But Shrek was a hero – S.I.A.T!

Then I went to the supermarket, full of adrenaline because I have always wanted to shout at that auto shop. I hope he sues them if there was damage to his car. Then I saw the weirdest thing in the fish aisle. A lady was filling her cart with packets of salted cod. I knew she was not from Texas and suspected she was from Latin America. Curiosity overcame Kerry and I asked her where she was from. Mexico City was the answer and we chatted about our shared ancestry and the salted cod. She was making a dish called Bacalao – click on the word to find a recipe.

I would no more eat salted cod than roasted cockroaches but it brought back a nostalgic memory of Teddy’s mum. Nessie was from a farmer’s family and Teddy’s Dad came from a fisher family. Usually never the twain shall meet or certainly marry but Dad was a handsome POW that caught the eye of my pretty mother in law. Once they were seriously courting, Nessie was invited to the Duncan family home in Peterhead, Scotland for a special dinner. She was used to eating what we consider normal food – meat and two vegetables. Nessie wasn’t really keen on seafood or fish so when she was offered a choice of Sea Pie or Hairy Tatties, she somewhat tentatively accepted Hairy Tatties assuming that Sea Pie was full of seafood. Little did she know that Sea Pie was actually a gorgeous steak pie that the fishermen took out on the boats. Hairy Tatties was much worse… The fibers of salted cod were the hairy bits in the tatties (mashed potatoes). How she ate it was beyond me; a true heroine.

So, I helped a panicky man, found a new friend from Mexico and retold my favorite story about my beloved mother in law. Finally, I have some real Christmas Cheer! Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and Feliz Navidad!

Feliz Navidad!

We were lucky enough to be in San Jose del Cabo for their annual lighting of the tree in the main plaza outside the Mission. It was a local event, not aimed at tourists, and we felt humbled to share their tradition. The main theme this year was disability and there was a tear jerking rendition of songs by deaf children in sign language. We were watching the proud parents and noticed that they did jazz hands instead of clapping. There were children with various conditions including cerebral palsy.

After the main event everyone squeezed into the little mission church, with some standing outside, for a short service with hymns echoing across the plaza on this beautiful starlit evening. It was not a rich town but clearly closely bonded. What a lovely experience for us to have the privilege of sharing with a warm, friendly community.

Below is a photo of the nativity scene that brought back some lovely memories of my childhood at our local Catholic Church. My only comment, and it is not meant to be blasphemous, but do you think the donkey was used previously in a Shrek production? 🙂

Lima

This is how they celebrate Christmas in Lima, Peru. This unusual tree was in a fancy new shopping center – Jockey Mall. It was situated close the mountains and local village people came down to window shop. One little native girl just stopped and stared at me with my white skin and blonde hair. Her mouth fell open and I am sure she thought I was otherworldly. We went there in November 2013 and it was very strange that it was springtime, almost summer, as they are on the other side of the equator. Lima was full of surprises; fabulous antiquities and Spanish architecture mixed with a rapidly developing modern city. Did you know that it is the gourmet capital of Latin America? Yummy food. Peruvians were friendly, hospitable, very orderly and straightforward. I could live there if the weather wasn’t so strange. We felt cold but got sunburn; there was a sea fog coming off the Pacific which made the arid, hot, climate feel deceptively cool. The beaches were beautiful with many happy surfers. I want to go back! Click on the red link to read all about Lima. FELIZ NAVIDAD FROM LIMA click here