Facebook is the work of the devil…

I have a Facebook account – it’s evil. This is my second one. The first one was in my current real name when Facebook was at its zenith. After two weeks I could feel a psychiatric break coming on and cancelled it. They sent me dire warnings that the sun would fall out of the sky, I would be flayed alive and that I would never, ever be able to have a Facebook account.

Beelzebub Mark Zuckerberg is running a dictatorial empire that would make Darth Vader blush. I really wanted to keep a Facebook account because I intended to write my book (check), create a blog (check) and use Facebook for marketing purposes. I sneakily created one in my maiden name. His malevolent algorithms hunted me down and Princess Leia was revealed again.

Why do I hate it so much? Do you want a list?

• Facebook users write mundane crap all the time
• Many use it to bully, boast or bore us to death
• Facebook tries very hard not to allow you to filter ‘friends’
• Facebook bullies the users into doing exactly what they say
• Users are afraid not to use it because the herd will reject them, they will miss    out on crucially important information and they can’t be nosy anymore.

Occasionally I confront people about their need for Facebook. Sometimes they are honest and say they are nosy – kudos for telling the truth. Others say that they need it for their business and that is the only acceptable answer. Yet more say that it helps them keep in touch with family, easily, and reach out to lost friends. My counter to that is – why are you so rude and lazy that you didn’t at least write a Christmas card to all your friends and relatives every year? I have kept in touch with friends from school, college, work and almost all the family that I know. That meant in pre-email times I had to – wait for it – get a pen and write a note or pick up the damn telephone.

Truthfully, there is a part of me that would really like to bask in schadenfreude and read the stupid posts. I know I am doomed for hell because I ask one of my good friends who is still on Facebook to tell me all the juicy faux pas. Sometimes she even forwards something appalling… I still think it was something the world would have been happier without. Most of us, even in the third world, have cellphone and email. A Google search usually finds someone you have lost or Ancestry for your family.

Do you think Beelzebub is going to litigate? Is this post slanderous? I bloody well hope so. 🙂

Bah Humbug…