Sexuality through the ages – part II

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Following on from yesterday’s post, I got married at 21 to Teddy and 33 years later we are still together, rather surprisingly. Perhaps I won’t be for much longer once he reads this series… 🙂 Relax; he has heard it all – I talk a lot.

I have a theory about one of the reasons why I put on weight when younger. When I married I was slim, attractive and sexually on form. I was truly concerned that I might slip back into my alley cat ways and be unfaithful as I had been to the previous boyfriend/fiancé. Teddy told me that he loved me, however I looked, and I slipped into not caring for my appearance, putting on weight and becoming unattractive both to me and potential suitors. It worked – men weren’t asking me out at bus stops! We had a hard start to married life with an almost immediate lay off for Teddy and Bunny struggling to work with a mental illness, as yet not diagnosed. We moved 6 times in our first 8 years of marriage.

My mood, attractiveness or life was not static over the decades. I lost weight and put it on, several times. Curiously, I was about 30 this first time I got slim again and the men were like flies around honey and it frightened me. I was very aware that Teddy was attractive to women. At one of the companies that we both worked at, one of the laboratory techs had a fancy for him and made it very obvious. One time in the canteen, she said in front of all the staff (including me and Ted) that he really loved her. She was making a joke and being territorial. She was also slim and pretty. I couldn’t resist my inner bitch and said loudly, “I am sorry, Kirsty, but my husband can’t love you because you have no boobs”. The canteen collapsed, as did her ego. Don’t mess with Kerry…

Even worse, Teddy really had a crush on another tech. To this day he refutes this but he came home every day telling me about what she had said, how funny she was and how pretty she looked. I now know this is normal part of married life and I have had a few crushes of my own since then. I was devastated and have never recovered from this blow to my confidence. It was clearly innocent or he wouldn’t have openly talked about her. How hard it is to attain maturity. A couple of years ago, Teddy said that his crush had contacted him via Linkedin. My hackles raised but I said nothing. He asked if I would email her from both of us. I did that and she never replied… My suspicions were raised and I asked him what she looked like on her Linkedin photo. As soon as he told me, I realized that she hadn’t fulfilled her early promise and he was disappointed. Schadenfreude made me delighted that I have matured like a fine wine (or cheese or Lambrusco, take your pick 🙂 ).

Life was not easy through the decades with both the ups and downs of health and work. Then I turned 40, within 2 years my mother had died, our remaining elderly cats and we moved to Egypt. More on that in this post Letters from Cairo. Strangely, this catastrophic journey made us more intimate physically and mentally. I had finally lost most of my excess weight and was edging slowly towards another sexual peak. Egypt made me so confident in my attractiveness although my mental health was reaching a breaking point. Expat and local men were saying openly to Teddy that his wife was very attractive and I could see him preening with pride.

We moved from Egypt to Texas life-changing moment when I shaved off my very long hair to raise money for breast cancer. I did this to celebrate my 50th birthday because I was jaded with the excess of our affluent little city. Ted posted the video and it was an immediate hit with many curious male admirers. See the video – Kerry is Bald

Just after my 52nd birthday, my sexual button switched back on again. ZING! I went on a solo trip to Savannah and the female taxi driver was telling me how beautiful I was. I wondered if this was a rainbow taxi but then she told me all about her sex life (she was much older than me). Whoa – Savannah is swinging! I went on a paddle steamer and met up with a lovely lady from Jamaica who I was going to meet for dinner at a swanky hotel’s rooftop bar and restaurant. Then the heavens opened and we got drenched. This is a disaster for a black lady and she now had to work on her hair before her conference the next day. Savannah seemed safe so I just went alone. Did you know there are many single men in Savannah? The predation started immediately although they were much younger than me. I was perplexed, flattered and a little unnerved especially since there were young woman all around me, obviously on the prowl.

I was unable to see that the sexual button had switched on and I was giving out those old vibes. It became more obvious at work (a marriage proposal from a complete stranger) and on other trips. I thought the Scottish accent was the main factor but I was predated by a much younger man on a train in Scotland. Good Lord, he could have taken some lessons in subtlety from a southern gentleman. I had to send a letter of complaint about a male nurse who made a pass at me. Finally, I realized that I actually wanted sex, all the time. Bear in mind that Teddy is two years older than me and on a number of medications. Initially he was excited about this new Duracell Bunny but then started feeling stressed.

At this point, he was traveling overseas for work regularly and I accompanied him. It was like a second honeymoon. I was fit and gymnastic… For a year or so, we were having sex morning and night and then some. I had to take daily antibiotics to ward off the UTIs but all was well until it wasn’t. This post explained what happened next –vajazzling You will be happy to know that we are back to behaving like a normal couple of our age, more sleep and less sex. I still get unusual propositions and I am enjoying every minute until it stops.

Tomorrow’s topic is gay boyfriends…

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Body Image

KERRY PR cleavage
This blog is the result of a dare from Stephanie and refers to her post To Cleave or not, that is the question. It is a hilarious but thoughtful post about how we feel about displaying our body. Read the comments, it is very revealing. I dared to show how much cleavage I bare and the evidence is above. I said an inch but methinks it might be two or three…

In general, my feeling is if you’ve got it, flaunt it but then you have to do it with confidence and ignore the inevitable comments. One of my male colleagues quite often makes hilarious but demeaning comments about women wearing what HE thinks is inappropriate clothing. He will say things like, “she is too old to be wearing a pleather mini-skirt” while I am wearing a black mini-skirt as part of my uniform, along with sexy lacy tights? I guess it makes a difference if you desire/fancy the person. My husband is exactly the same and loves it when I wear something provocative.

I spent the majority of my adult life fighting obesity and missed out on many opportunities to wear clothing that was perhaps a bit more appropriate in my 20s or 30s. It was incredibly hard work to get my mental health better which was the root cause of my obesity. Stress loves carbohydrates. I was over 50 when I suddenly looked amazing after a lifetime of nasty sideways glances or doctor’s notes referring to my weight. My cousin refers to me as Benjamin Button and there is a strange element of that. The two photographs below demonstrate this. One was taken a couple of months ago when I was modelling clothes while researching my boutique article, the other one was when I was in my 20s. Even with an element of body dysmorphia I can see that the slim, confident 55 year old looks much better than the sad, fat Kerry.

mainstream kerry3 fatkerry2

For the most part, I think you should whatever you want to as long as it doesn’t break any laws or truly offend anyone. You should dress with respect when entering a house of worship or a country with a different culture. I had to wear very different clothes when living in Egypt or face the consequences (usually unpleasant remarks, looks or a quick feel). We live in a democratic country and, in theory, women are equal. By the same token, I have no problem with you wearing a hijab, turtleneck or ninja outfit. 🙂

PS Buy the Ebook! Letters from Cairo by Kerry Duncan. It is free to subscribers and very inexpensive for everyone else.

Happy 4th July

bronze badge
HAPPY 4TH JULY!
Last week I received a parcel in the mail which included a certificate and this beautiful bronze medal. This is my reward for volunteering for X amount of hours in the US. If it included all the volunteering I have done in my life it should be platinum and diamond encrusted. Not that I am one to boast…

When I reflected on when and why I started volunteering, it was when I was offered the choice of community work or physical sports at school. I am, and always was, pretty fit and even athletic at times but hated team sports so this was an easy leap into volunteering. Our first job was to visit an older couple who lived in a senior citizen house close to our school. They had very few visitors and loved our nonsensical chat about school, boys and life. We were the grandchildren that they either never had or never visited.

The two friends that did this with me then decided to volunteer for the Scottish Youth Hosteling Association and went straight onto the publicity committee. For me volunteering just fulfilled some desperate need. My family were good neighbors and citizens but were perplexed by this need to volunteer. “Why don’t you get a paid job?” I did have various paid jobs – working in the fast food industry, hospital kitchens, cleaning; all while I was studying at college. If I look deep into myself, it was an opportunity to be a good person, following all the rules that had been taught to me in the Catholic Church, but it was also a way to shine in an occupation without all the restrictions and criticisms of a paid job. Once I started I couldn’t stop and sometimes it was advantageous to my career path and other times not. Let me list them.

• The Downs’s Syndrome Association
• Homeless People
• Dementia Patients
• Community Internet work
• Rural Transportation
• Psychiatric Hospital
• Airport
• Animal Shelter
• Community Center

Some of these crossed over with paid work that I did with non-profit organizations but they were always at a slight tangent to give me perspective with life in general. My bronze medal is a beautiful thank you but all I really need is for the people I help to appreciate it. After some thought, I decided that I would probably never work in the field of drug and alcohol abuse because I could feel so little empathy or thanks.

I try very hard not to have my volunteer work made public and find it hard to understand those who do. A year or two ago, I attended a fancy event to benefit some charity. It was such a waste of money and time. Many of the people who attended were there for photo and social opportunities casting a dark shadow on the original intent of the charity. My father in law was a both a devout Christian and Rotarian. We had many conversations about the intent of the Rotary Club. I have no doubt that their scholarships and charitable donations have helped thousands of people but I feel unsettled about charitable work that has a really obvious benefit to the giver. Not only do you have the status of belonging to the group but you benefit from connections to each other and a social club. It sits badly with me and the Rotary Club is just one example of many other groups like that.

I accept that volunteering almost always gives us something tangible back but the intent should be fully giving without receiving anything, even gratitude. There is always someone who does something utterly remarkable such as opening their homes to complete strangers during Hurricane Katrina. In Egypt I was in awe of the volunteers who volunteered with working horses in deplorable conditions or illegal refugee prisoners from Sudan mostly. Sometimes I worked on the periphery, donating funds or a reference to a refugee who had been offered citizenship in a Western nation because they were penniless or employing someone from a poor African nation that did not have refugee status.

My husband and I give generously to a variety of charities benefiting animals mostly but most of my current volunteering is with humans. I speak a smattering of a few languages and recently someone that I helped asked me to lean down so they could give me ‘besos’ – kisses in Spanish. That is all I ever need.
Happy 4th July and remember to be a good citizen wherever you live.

Kerry xx

Kerry and the Catfish

My catfish wasn't as big as this but the water looked as murky!

My catfish wasn’t as big as this but the water looked as murky!


I have a huge crush on Jeremy Wade who stars in the Animal Planet series, “River Monsters”.  He is not my type but something about his soothing voice and his gentle treatment of his monsters just turns me on!  I have my own monster story.  A few years ago I was going through a difficult stage of my life, feeling mentally unhealthy and wanting to make big changes in my life.  Early one morning, around 7 am,  I went to my favorite little forest and trekked down to visit the lake.  It is full of fish, stocked naturally, and many local anglers fish there.  Sometimes their lures and casts get caught in the trees and on this occasion one of the lures had landed in the water.  I saw movement in the murky depths and realized that something was caught on the lure.  There are both water moccasins and alligators in the lake and I am frightened of deep water and a poor swimmer.  Nonetheless, I couldn’t bear the idea that some poor creature was stuck by a lazy, careless angler.  I started to wade into the water which shelved quickly and by the time I reached the lure, I was up to my hips in the sediment filled water.  I grabbed hold of the fishing line and I don’t know who was more astonished – me or the gorgeous, healthy big catfish on the end.  It was about the size of a furry cat and quite hard to handle.  Every time it struggled to get away from me, I was losing my balance.  Finally, I grabbed hold of it and managed to unhook the lure.  It jumped back into the lake, probably terrified by the kindly predator who had rescued it.  I was fascinated by it’s beautiful dark gray flesh and it’s funny little whiskers – it just glowed with health.  That little act of compassion turned my life about in that moment.  I suddenly knew that life was worth living, if only to rescue catfish, and my moment of bravery showed me that I was capable of anything.  I hope he or she went on to live a happy, fruitful life.  The next week, I waded in and retrieved as many discarded fishing lines and lures that I could find.