This is the real Christmas letter I sent to friends and family this year. They know less about our lives than you do…
How about some astonishing facts to brighten things up?
• Teddy and I are still married after 35½ years. Whaaaaaat?
• We both have jobs! Admittedly, I earn peanuts and only work occasionally. A variety of foolish events companies contract my labor; team building, meeting VIPs and other nonsense. Andy pretends he is a genius and does something with rocks.
• Despite our many diagnoses, neuroses and medications, we are reasonably healthy.
• We have one Egyptian cat still living. Toffee is almost 15 years old, amazingly healthy and very kindly tucks us into bed each night. She jumps on the bed, gives us both a cuddle and then goes to her own bed. Katniss is our feral outside cat, born under our deck a few years ago. She refuses to be tamed and hisses at me when it snows (see below).
• Teddy talks to our visiting Armadillos, at night, and they answer back. This is one of the many new Texan skills he has developed, along with eating too much and dressing like a gay cowboy.
• I still can’t get the hang of political correctness.
• It really snowed in Houston this year.
• It really rained in Houston this year, 51.88 inches to be precise.
• Teddy and I rarely vacation together anymore. That might explain the 35½ years of marriage.
• I discovered I have a long line of Mexican ancestors, including some Maya DNA. For some reason I look like a Swede. Andy is Scottish.
• We didn’t vote for Trump because I’m Mexican nor did most of Houston (which is also Mexican).
• None of our relatives died this year…we think. We might find otherwise in Christmas cards, yet to arrive.
• Mail comes by stagecoach in our area. Why else does it take 3 weeks to arrive from Europe?
• This is the longest time we have stayed in one place during our marriage – I guess its home.
• Teddy will be 60 next year. I’m not sure I can stay married to a pensioner even one that makes me laugh at both ends.
• I am almost through the ‘change’ which might not be apparent from this letter.