Black Widow Spider

I decided to create my blog on WordPress because I thought there might be less negativity than other forms of social media. For the most part it has been a perfect way to express myself in words and pictures. Twice in two weeks, however, I have received comments that were both negative and unpleasant. The first time I decided to call out the racist, Racists come in every color, but the second comment I deleted. Despite my initial common sense reaction, deep down I felt hurt, low and discouraged.

Many times I have sympathized with fellow bloggers, truly hurt, when someone has made a nasty comment. Why do people do this? It is a free press but kindness and etiquette should still come first even if you vociferously disagree with another post. Occasionally I sigh when a new follower has very different political view or set of morals but I can still appreciate them.

This particular comment was in response referred to my post Courtship by an Angel which was very quickly followed by My True Valentine – a testament of my love for my husband. You can read the post about Angel but here is a quick summary: On my recent trip to Mexico I hired a local driver, about 37, married with children. At the end of our time together, he started complimenting me and indicated that he might like to cheat with me. NOTHING HAPPENED nor did I do anything to encourage him. I was utterly complimented by a much younger man desiring me.

The comment was from a regular follower (no longer I assume) and I suppose that’s why it is so upsetting.

“This is so sad and the ‘delighted giggles’ at a man willing to cheat (on his wife and children) is part of the problem and only encourages men to overstep the mark. I pray all women gain a high sense of self- esteem and not rely on compliments by anyone else to boost them. Yes, it is nice to be healthfully complimented but seriously, ladies, wise up to the deviance”

My self-esteem is low; mental illness gives me a strange form of body dysmorphia and a general insecurity about anyone liking me. As for flirting or, more accurately, being engaging – I do it with everyone and every species. Babies, old ladies, cats, dogs – they are all prey to me charming them into submission. If only it was truly that easy to have self-esteem and not rely on compliments… I suspect I hit a nerve and I truly sympathize with anyone who has been profoundly hurt with infidelity. It is not deviant behavior, though, just human.

My personal experience is that there are much worse things that can happen to a relationship. My father mentally abused my mother and abandoned both of us. As humans we find it hard to be with just one partner or the divorce rate would be lower. None of those statements, or my flirting, indicate that I endorse cheating in relationships or life. Forgiveness is a wonderful quality and I wish I were better at it. I feel that some of my followers read my blog about churches but neglect to see older posts that talk very openly about sexuality. For any new followers – I am a left wing liberal who loathes our President, guns and a stupid wall. Ironically, I can no longer have physical sexual intercourse because of a rare medical condition (which I will talk openly about in a future blog). It struck me that some of my sadness and longing for a ‘normal’ sexual life might be emanating from me like a beacon.

Let’s lighten this blog up! I was chatted up by a handsome young man in a foreign country with a different culture. For all I know my open personality and solo traveling was a signal that I might be available. The one wise thing I did was not to make him feel bad when I was alone with a strange man in the back of beyond. But as for charming…it continues. I have two older admirers in the produce department of my local supermarket. One is Hispanic and he likes that I thank him in Spanish. The other is Southern and loves my accent. Last week they were subtly fighting for my attention. Southern Gentleman, with some teeth missing, won the battle and we started chatting. I laughingly said, “I can’t be the only lady with a foreign accent in here”. He deftly responded, “But you are unique…” I walked off with a spring in my step and as far as I know neither of them intend to leave their wives for me. It would be a waste of time because my preference is a full set of teeth and a tad younger. 🐆

52 thoughts on “Venom

  1. Kerry I love your posts and your openess to discuss anything you want to. Your posts put a smile on my fsce and I find them interesting. You have a great personality and have a loving relationship with your spouse and a sincerity to care for others. Stay just the way you are and don’t worry if someone occassionally writes a negative comment or critisisum. We are all different which makes this world of ours interesting. No one is forced to read or to follow all blogs. It is totally up to them. For me, I will always follow and enjoy the things uou write and continue to laugh at your humor. It mske my day! Gary

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Kerry, you posts are amusing, sweet, interesting, and sometimes even informing. Your blog is so positive, it is a pleasure to stop by.

    Why anyone would say anything cruel or ugly is beyond me. I started blogging to promote my writing, but to get away from the negativity of the other social media outlets. Unfortunately, it happens here as well. I have had so many hateful comments from jealous men/husbands.

    I have learned to ignore it. That is the way the world revolves nowadays.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I’m sorry you’ve been feeling low. 😦 Words can sure hurt! If it helps, I very much enjoy your blog and your honesty, including those two posts mentioned here. It all seems very human to me. 🙂 Keep it up!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I read the post and thought it was charming and having lived overseas I feel that people react differently and often times it is just for fun and who knows what is meant. You are a vibrant gorgeous woman!! Anyone would love to be around you xxxxx

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I always enjoy your posts, Kerry, and I’m sure many others do also. I know it’s discouraging to get negative comments. I’ve weathered a few here (not published) and on other sites. So I just try to focus on the positive reactions, although that can be a struggle. I don’t have much self confidence. Your posts are always charming and fascinating, so keep on writing for those of us who appreciate it!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I found that you are wonderfully engaging, supportive, and person that accepted me and my quirks without question. I get similar responses and I get crushed when I do. But there are far more positives than negatives- so yes- Kerry on!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I think you pretty much know I’m all about things that aren’t serious by now, and I generally ignore any posts that aren’t at least somewhat lighthearted. You post enough stuff like that (including the funny stories about the Mexican driver) to keep me coming back, and I thank you! To those who want to take everything so seriously…. I just don’t get it. We really need to laugh at ourselves more… and not just at the things that are obviously funny!

    Keep up the good work!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I just wish people would adhere to the do as you would be done by rule. No-one, surely would welcome a venomous remark made to them on an open forum so why on earth indulge in being nasty to others. That said, I will lighten this too …. I have been on a little road trip with my daughter who has been staying with me. On Saturday we decided we were overdue a coffee stop and found a pretty town where unfortunately all but one bar was shut and there were no cafes to be found. In we went and it was definitely a novelty to all these men to have two ladies walk in. We ordered coffee and went to sit outside in the sunshine. A young man passed and complimented my daughter ‘tu es belle’ he said – she is a natural born flirt (how did THAT happen 😉) and responded with a giggle a flash of her eyes and a teeny toss of the head. I then went in to pay. Older man at bar says to me ‘you are beauties, is that your daughter?’ To which I responded with a flashing smile and flirty eyes ‘she is. I have four daughters – unfortunately she is the ugly one’ 😂 xx

    Liked by 3 people

    • You did not!!! That is hilarious, Osyth. Did you tell your ugly daughter??? I was going to just delete the comment and move on but it felt like bullying. Flirted my way through the airport yesterday so nothing has changed. 😘

      Liked by 2 people

      • Definitely I told her …. she’s her mother’s daughter so found it hilarious 🤣 You were subjected to bullying and that is entirely unacceptable in any form so well done for writing about it. And well done for shimmying and flirting your way through the airport, too – never change a thing about you 😚

        Liked by 2 people

  9. Hmmm….I might be weird, but I have always accepted that there is an animalism in human attraction. It’s normal and to deny it exists is short of being asinine (I hope that doesn’t come off as harsh…or maybe I mean it, I don’t know…). To me, there is nothing wrong with recognizing an attraction, nothing wrong with appreciating an attraction and nothing wrong with entertaining thoughts. It’s the action that matters. And I don’t think you have any responsibility over the course of action another person chooses…only your own.

    I don’t know…just some thoughts I had reading this…

    Liked by 2 people

  10. I love how your vulnerability in this honest post has resulted in so many comments of support. It is human nature to want to be liked, and interactions with others is the whipping on the bowl of strawberries called Life. It makes feel good about ourselves to feel a little mutual attraction but speaking as a man celebrating 38 years marriage Thursday I know where my heart is invested. Don’t be any less your self, and spit out this bitter response, that person like you said has a carried hurt. Bless you and beautiful humor.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Many congratulations on 38 years of marriage and thank you for your lovely, thoughtful comment! I have been overwhelmed by support and that has assuaged my hurt. I needed to blog about it so that I could see an honest reflection. My husband of 35 years was drooling about the prospect of watching Jennifer Lawrence in the movie Red Sparrow…😍

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I know from personal experience only too well how much words can hurt, and I completely understand how you must have felt reading that comment. You did nothing wrong and certain people just don’t get the nature of humans and flirting. Take the Germans for example – they are terribly bad at flirting. So every time I went to Spain I was first shocked at all the “Hola guapa!”‘s I got but accustomed unbelievably quick because it’s just so much fun and generally doesn’t lead to anything more but is the simple and honest admiration of the female sex that seems to be more easily expressed in southern hemispheres. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Kerry. Don’t let one negative comment throw you in a loop..
    Do what I do.. smile and thank them for visiting again taking the time to read your blog.. and ignore the comment..

    It’s very obvious they find what you write very interesting to stop to read and place a comment..

    Keep on sharing and writing ✍️ and continue to be you..

    I’m a big flirter too..
    and I love to get the attention of men and very flattered to be liked..

    And I love sweet compliments and to be desired..
    so you are not alone in this department…

    Don’t listen to any negativity..

    You are doing just great

    Liked by 1 person

  13. In Latin American culture it’s very important for men to make all women feel desired. What you experienced was delightful and cultural and not necessarily some man deciding to put aside his family and commitments. He was flattering because their culture believes that every woman deserves to feel beautiful. That this commenter demonized you for it is all about their culture, their understanding that every woman is the EVE, tempting the men they interact with and we are on the hook for men’s behaviour. This is the person who blames victims for what they wear, whether they drank, anytime a woman isn’t a dowdy sweater wearing spinster they assume you’re a slut who is shameful. Props to you lady! Have a little fun and enjoy being told you’re beautiful

    Liked by 1 person

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